The Nigerian Senate (Red Chamber) under the Senate President, Godswill Akpabio, is a joke. If anyone thinks the Senate is not a joke but represents an arm of government, it is still a joking arm of government where joking relationship seems not to be frowned upon. I am yet to change my stance that the Red Chamber, under Akpabio, is not capable of making common and uncommon Nigerians happy through lawmaking and oversight function especially as that relates to checkmating the excesses of the executive arm of government and its proclivity towards dictatorialism. And this because the Senate President is an uncommon senate president.

Under this current regime which has President Tinubu as the First Citizen, it is doubtful if the three arms of government still exist. Examples abound to argue that the three arms of government, since the emergence of uncommon Akpabio with the support of Tinubu, had been merged into one single executive arm. The executive arm, which looks like a merciless sledge hammer, now hammers the masses at will—unhindered and unchecked. That sledge hammer does not discriminate between the lowly and mighty. Once one does not belong to the caucus of Tinubu’s henchmen, escaping that sledge hammer would be miraculous. That is why I pity Sen. Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan in her lone fight. 

Who is Natasha to challenge Akpabio? If the bimbo eruption in the Red Chamber could be verified to be true, who is Natasha to say ‘no’ to Akpabio’s advances? Maybe she needs to be tutored that as a senator, one loses his or her gender and transforms into a unique human specie that cannot be sexually harassed. I don’t know if that is what a former female senator, Florence Ita-Giwa, meant when she said: “When you get to the Senate, you are there as a person. You’re not there as a man or woman.”

Bimbo eruption means a sex scandal in which a woman publicly accuses a male politician of sexual misconduct. The problem here is that the woman making the accusation is also a politician. I have, for long, struggled to find a streak of integrity in the Senate President. Yet, I must say it clearly that it is difficult to believe any of the Akps (Akpoti and Akpabio). Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan is not a saint that must be believed and Akpabio may not be the billy goat that he has been caricatured to be—no matter how loose we think he conducts himself. 

Untill Natasha substantiates her claim that Akpabio harassed her and was fixated on that ‘thing’ that should ideally be monopolized only by her husband, it is still an allegation that women easily make against men when they lock horns with men. This is  not to say the Senate President is not lascivious (we should not forget his “We are not in a nightclub” address to Natasha sometime in July 2024). It is also not to say he is. The truth is that lasciviousness, of this magnitude that involves the Third Citizen, can only be established with convincing evidence; not by mere weaponization of the media to heat the polity. 

Again, Akpabio might be excused since he is known for his characteristic verbal diarrhea or ‘verbal incontinence’ as Prof Toyin Falola chose to put it, but can’t the Third Citizen learn to be polite or pretend to have some dignity while discharging his duty as Senate President? Only few would raise an eyebrow, for instance, if he uses dirty language in a club while he socializes with female lawmakers. Dignified language should, however, be reserved for the Parliament and the serious business of lawmaking.

Whether Natasha is right or wrong in her accusation, she has been knocked out (for six months). She was suspended, they said, not because of the sexual harassment allegation made by her but because of her unruliness in flouting some rules in the Parliament as they relate to sitting arrangement. We thought the suspension was too much for punishment, we were wrong. A recall process was immediately initiated. Akpoti has indeed crossed the red line. Fighting Akpabio, if she was well informed and appropriately counselled, is like fighting the Federal Government. For that reason, even the First Lady, Remi Tinubu, who was once threatened to be impregnated when she was a senator by an unruly misogynistic senator could not empathize with her. Her body language to Natasha is OYO (On Your Own).

Though Natasha outsmarted the powers that be in Kogi State and rendered them toothless and tactless by her ‘magical’ helicopter in her last visit where she was warmly welcomed by an overwhelming crowd of supporters, one is not sure if she would defeat the powerful Akpabio even if she could convincingly substantiate her claim. I am saying this because this regime seems to be more dictatorial than democratic. If that assumption is right, no amount of evidence could all the Natashas of this world pull together to unseat or villainize Akpabio. He is although a lawmaker, Akpabio belongs to the presidency and the presidency belongs to him. But, again, because Natasha has been carrying the global community along, we can only remain spectators in the ongoing match of immorality in our national parliament.

Akpoti versus Akpabio’s harassment match started long time ago. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was the sitting arrangement which led to the unmuting of the initially muted sexual harassment. Now again, it is assassination harassment. But this time, it is Natasha that is harassing Akpabio. So, what do the suffering Nigerian masses gain in all this? Nothing! 

Conversely, what do the suffering Nigerian masses lose in all this? Everything! When lawmakers abandon lawmaking to entertain the citizens with in-house altercation that bothers on sexual harassment, we can only mourn the death of democracy or queue behind the Burkinabe military ruler, Captain Ibrahim Traore, who recently claims democracy does not produce development. Traore’s claim about democracy is true of Nigeria. One of the products democracy produces in Nigeria is the shameful display in our national assembly. No one should think all our lawmakers are birds of the same feathers. It is possible there are fine exceptions but their voice cannot withstand the cacaphonous voices that we often hear.

In one of my columns two years ago after the inauguration of the 10th Senate and knowing that Akpabio is the Senate President, I wrote: “I advised Nigerian lawmakers that law-making is a serious job and that it should be given the seriousness it deserves. Nigerians are not to be ridiculed in the name of law-making.” I saw it coming and it has come to pass. Although I never knew there would be bimbo eruption and that things will be this bad and even worse, I knew many of the lawmakers will end up ridiculing Nigerians.

Nigerians are eager to see Natasha in court to prove her allegations or shut up. They are also eager to see Akpabio in court to defend himself or apologize to Natasha and recall her from suspension. If Natasha would not shut up and Akpabio would not apologize, the court should act fast to determine their case. My advice to them is not to be represented by lawyers or any legal team. After all, they both read law and bagged a degree in law. If they both defend themselves in person, the sexopolitical drama will be more interesting.