Since last week when I called the attention of men to the little-men-little-third-leg matter, I have heard things, many things. Apparently, many men didn’t know  that keeping malice with their wives really is less than manly.  That’s why they have been shaking the table. How dare Funke accuse them of malice? Quick answer, it is maliciously evil to turn off the money tap of the family because you are quarreling with your wife. 

Again, I was asked where I procured the audacity to call out men’s third leg, whether big or small and or ineffective. 

Bros, I was first being nice, really. I wanted you to know that being great in the sack is great but not greater than a happy and well-kept wife because great things can happen in ‘illegal’ sacks too. That last part has almost caused a civil war.

Funke! They screamed in conspiratorial unison. Are you saying women, our wives are doing illegal sacking? Sorry, I plead the fifth, as Americana say when they don’t want to answer a question that could implicate them. Me I do not know anything. All I know is when someone is being starved, he or she might be tempted to check out the greener pastures of a generous neighbour.

In other words, a wife whose husband is starving of housekeeping allowance will most likely find a generous friendly man attractive. She may also shift all her energy and passion to her business or career. When a woman shifts in anyway, the end thereof is rarely ever good for all concerned. The only good point made in the last six days on this matter is that, when it comes to who is more malicious in marriage, women take the cake but ONLY when it comes to closing the borders of Jerusalem. But seizing car keys, refusing to release house-keeping allowance and responding to ‘welcome back’ with grunts are all a man’s thing. Women, we only close our legs when we are upset, and the closure doesn’t last long. Men who know what to do know what they do. I can’t reveal that secret today.

Anyway, my point is, withholding your money and body from your spouse is also domestic violence. However, last week was to call men’s attention to their bad behaviour as financial terrorists in the home. Guys, stop it. What is bad has no other name. Give your wife money, even if there’s unresolved cold war. Because if you don’t, it has the capacity to degenerate into Russia-Ukraine War.

But today, Sayo is crying. She’s a serial domestic terrorist. Because she’s shapely, sexy and great in bed, she had learnt to deploy (or is it un-deploy) sex to her advantage. Even after two pregnancies and the rigours of baby-friendly breastfeeding, Sayo’s shape is still in the lip-smacking zone. She has energy in that department too. You know those women who leave their husbands panting? Yeah, so she knew her onions and had her husband where she wanted him. The sad side is that she also had the mean capacity to seal up the honey pot for a whole month. Her husband was a strong man to have coped. That was what we all thought. Until Sayo came crying

Sayo’s house-help is pregnant for her husband. Her husband has claimed responsibility with his ‘full chest’. The maid is crying too but refuses to discuss abortion. Sayo, however, is refusing to accept full responsibility that her closed leg and locked up oil rig has brought her. She is refusing to accept any blame

“I gave you everything.”

“What didn’t I do for you, for this marriage?”

“Is it just a few days of quarrel and me saying no that led you into the pants of my maid, an ordinary dirty maid?”

Let us sympathise with Sayo. She feels cheated but who doesn’t know that an angry third leg will take its stroll, anyway, anyhow, anywhere? And the problem is not just a few occasion of “not tonight” and “leave me alone” that Sayo is guilty of. She had been doing the evil thing for 10 long years!

You see! It’s a miracle that Sayo’s husband’s wild oats on those hard days he went a-sowing did not yield half a dozen kids.

Of course, all hell has since broken loose and Gaza has lost its peace. This is what I warned against last week. Men took umbrage when I warned that no man should expect that there would be no consequences of being a domestic financial bandit. A husband who stops housekeeping allowance disbursement just because his wife was rude or came home late is a financial terrorist. Nemesis will be waiting for him down the road.

For the woman, the wife who thinks her sweet crude is the only sweet crude, ask Nigeria. Those who are eyeing that third leg you are denying keyless entry are doing press-ups. They have enrolled in a gym to lose weight. They are doing ‘orisirisi’ unmentionable things to capture your ‘thing’. Keep locking up your thigh; we shall all be here when your cookies crumble. What are friends for, if not to give you listening ears and shoulders to cry on? Because girl, you gonna cry premium tears. Let’s just pray that the woman who rescues and relieves your husband’s third-leg-in-distress is not one of your friends or a 42- year-old fine babe who has been waiting for a miracle for so long. Girl, borrow yourself brain, and open up as and when due and demanded.

Now that we have looked at both sides of the coin, can we all agree that there’s actually domestic terrorism in every marriage and that whichever party is found guilty of banditry will pay the price? Good. How about ensuring that the oil rig access is given to the man who won the bid and only him? And men should know henceforth that their money is our money, to be spent lovingly and nicely. It’s how God designed it.

But in case of angry moments when a denied third leg is rearing to take its cap somewhere else, I suggest calmness, deep shaky breaths, cold shower and 30 minutes of comedy show or social media skits. Guys, find other means of ‘punishing’ your wife. My ‘Pope’ has recommended hard and intensive deliverance service in bed. He also advised that you keep your wife busier in the kitchen by being picky with your choice of meals. For instance, after she has spent time making spaghetti Bolognese, change your mind and ask for Ofe-Nsala and pounded yam or Amala and Gbegiri. Ask for moin-moin three times a week. And then ‘vex do the deliverance’ in every position. Trust me, the matter will be resolved sooner than you think.

My sister, each time you think of closing your shop for the owner of the business, close your eyes and imagine your maid enjoying your ‘privileges’ and getting pregnant. Think of your maid becoming your  co-wife. Picture your husband leaving you forever. Closed shops are not good for anybody’s health. In any case, how long can a whole deliverance service last?

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Programme: CITY TALKS WITH REUBEN ABATI

Time: 12:00pm

Guest: Dr. Mrs. Adetoun Emiola Department of Art & Social Sciences Education, University of Lagos.

Topic: "18-year age limit for NECO, WASSCE, varsities"

Date: 31st August, 2024                          

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There are and will always be all kinds of children. They consist of those that are well brought up and those that are ill-bred. There will be good children and vagabonds will abound. There are deprived ones, evincing lack of parental responsibility and care.  A legion of them flooded the streets during the recent #EndBadGovernment protests which they seized as cover to break into shops and department stores, looting. There are on the other side of the divide a host born into indulgence in the name of love and chest-beating showmanship, but with attendant blighted future. It cannot be for nothing that the Scriptures admonish parents: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverb 22:6) Dake’s Annotated Reference Bible; King James Version (Proverb 22:6). And here following is an account I received during the week which is thought-provoking. It is a letter written to all parents. The writer starts with her experience observing child upbringing in the United Kingdom and the same discharge of parental responsibility in Nigeria. The account is better in her own words and it reads:

“Dear All—Let’s be real. I wish to start by adding the benefit of my time as a student and then resident in the UK. Living in Abuja now. The first thing that I discovered about UK-born White, English undergraduates was that all of them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves—including the children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm there—regardless of how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign students did the same—except status-conscious Nigerians.

“I also watched Richard Branson (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography Channel. To my amazement, he said that his young children travel in economy class—even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do this.” When the writer lived in the UK, and until recently, there was no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the UK. “He travels on BA (British Airways, a commercial airliner). And the same goes for the Royals.” The Queen did not have an aircraft for her exclusive use.

“These practices simply become the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen what Kate Middleton (the wife of Prince William) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But there is one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they (even the billionaires) work for their money, most of us steal ours.

“If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content and not having to ‘steal’ which seems to be the norm these days. We have Nigerian children who have never worked for five minutes in their lives insisting on flying ‘only’ first or business class and using the latest cars fully paid for by their ‘loving’ parents.

“I often get calls from anxious parents: ‘My son graduated two years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist!’ ‘Oh, really! So where exactly is ‘THIS CHILD?’ is my usual question. ‘Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?’ I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and I, chances are that the big boy is cruising around Abuja with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s sparkling new SUV with enough ‘pocket money’ to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to hear a 28-year-old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but ‘earns’ six figure ‘salary’ from parents for doing absolutely nothing. 

“I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skill to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question—So, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out—N250, 000. I ask if that is per month or per annum. ‘Of course, it is per annum.’ Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job?’  ‘Well, because my current pocket money is N200, 000. 00 a month and I feel any employer should be able to pay me more than my parents.”

“No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing, as if it were a birthright. Even though the examples I have given above from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa. Wake up mum! Wake up dad! This syndrome—‘my children will not suffer what I suffered’ is destroying your tomorrow. You are practically loving your child to death.

“I learnt the children of a former very senior public functionary with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs; several times because of the drug, they collapse in places. The escort will quickly pack them and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them. 

“Henry Ford said, ‘Hard work does not kill.’ We are getting everything wrong in Nigeria now, including family setting. It is time to prepare your children for tomorrow, the way the world is going, only those that are rugged, hardworking and smart working will survive. How will your ward fare?”

All that is narrated in the foregoing is borne out of ignorance of the purpose of life on earth on the part of the parents concerned and the children who are the beneficiaries of misplaced love. As the writer has rightly observed the attitude of the parents is “my children will not suffer what I suffered.” The suffering of the parents itself had its origin, all in ignorance, not even just of the purpose of life, but also of the unswerving mechanisms that govern life in which they will find their role as parents. There may have been over-breeding by equally ignorant forebears of the parents themselves necessitating scarce resources being spread thin. That was also where the forebears had a faint sensing of the place of education, using the old Western Nigeria as an example. Children were sent to school with the proviso that after school hours or/and during holidays, the wards would join them on the farms. In 1954, wards joining parents on the farm soon became a campaign weapon. The NCNC campaigned that the free primary school education of the ruling Action Group was designed to deprive parents of their children joining them on the farm. They also incited voters against capitation tax levied on taxpaying adults to fund education and health. It was one of the four reasons the Action Group lost the Federal parliamentary election into the Federal House of Representatives of that year but won the elections into the Regional Assembly of 1956 and other subsequent elections as enlightenment through education ensued and spread. 

The other three reasons were land acquisition for agricultural development particularly of rubber plantation for domestic use as well as for export. The land owners organized to vote against the Action Group. Another reason was the Customary Court reform which ended illiterate and old men being President and members of customary courts in the region. They were replaced by educated people. The aggrieved backed by Mabolaje/NCNC alliance mobilized to vote against the party. The fourth reason was the 1953 law which brought about the democratization of the local government councils. The law required that councilors were thenceforth to be elected. Hitherto, they were nominated and handpicked. As of that time, elections were held only into Lagos Municipal Council in the whole country. These were the hot potatoes which the Opposition sold to the electors. However, as the bandage dropped from the eyes of the electors, especially as more illiterates began to benefit from the government adult education programme, the ruling Action Group won all subsequent elections from 1956. This distinction by way of digression has to be made so that the 1954 federal polls are not confused with the 1951 elections into the Western House of Assembly which Awolowo’s Action Group won, beating the NCNC with a wide margin: AG, 38 seats to NCNC: 24. Independent parties’ alliance with AG, 15 and similar alliance with NCNC: 3. The total number of seats was 80.

According to the Daily Times publication of 08 January, 1952: “Action Group majority in the Western House of Assembly was publicly and officially acknowledged at the first meeting of the Western Regional Legislature held here this morning.  Forty nine of them with badges pinned on their dresses waited outside the hall and posed for photograph. They insisted on sitting together as a party and the Civil Secretary, Western Region, granted their request.”

What I am getting at is that in the early days, many struggled to pay their way until the free education revolution in the Western Region came about in 1955. The next stage of struggle was to have secondary education and university studies. Many had to be sponsored by the church and their communities. Many after the secondary school education fought their way to Europe where they combined work with studies. They returned to form the first crop of the elite circles, and these were and still are those who, remembering what they went through, mostly vowed that their children would not go through their thorny and harrowing paths to get to the summit of the mountain. 

In the realization of their resolve, they took away the struggle from their children, the souls lovingly put under their care by the Creator in answer to their supplication. They did not know that their own experiences were good for them and, indeed, greatly beneficial to them. Lacking in knowledge, they sought to spare their children of similar struggle and experiences. They were unaware that life is a struggle. Today, children have been made to develop a sense of entitlement and make demands on their parents. In struggle lies the unfolding of talents and abilities. It is through friction with material substances that we gain in consciousness to move into self-consciousness which is the whole purport of life. This cannot be achieved by standing aloof and distancing oneself from struggle. Dr. Stephen Lampe puts it this way in his book, The Spirit of Truth Brings the Everlasting Testament: “The variety of experiences acquired between the Spiritual Realm and the earth activate consciousness and then self-consciousness.” In the struggle we break from within to recognize the omniscience and omnipotence of the Most High. The more successful we are the more we recognise the greatness of the Most High Creator—that it is immeasurable; it is inconceivable. 

Daniel Swarovski, industrialist and author, says in his treasure book, The Time is Ripe: reflections, essays and lectures: “The tendency of physical and mental laziness is contrary to the necessity of life on earth which requires movement, for without work, without industry we cannot master life…Many strangers to nature find the necessity to work irksome. And politicians try to soften the blow, wooing the masses for votes…” 

According to the enlightenment of these times, each human being is here on earth at his own request or because of his own fault to atone for, and he is led to the parents and circumstances that he deserves and which will facilitate the fulfillment of the purpose of his sojourn. The journey is far and great the exertion, it is revealed in higher knowledge. Children may therefore not make claims on their parents. The incomparably unique Work, In The Light of Truth, The Grail Message, states: “Parents merely provide the possibility for an incarnation, and nothing else. And every incarnated soul must be grateful for the opportunity offered!

“The soul of the child is only the guest of its parents. This fact alone gives sufficient explanation to enable one to know that in reality a child can claim no rights in regard to its parents! It has no spiritual claim on its parents! Earthly rights, however, have arisen solely out of a purely mundane social order, brought about by the State so that it need not take any obligations upon itself.”

As I have stated often, man is a spirit. The wrappings around him in which he manifests as a body are his garments he needs for his sojourn on earth and which he discards at death. He enters the Beyond as soul in which he is encased, another set of wrappings made of substances of that plane. The Message states:   “Spiritually, the child is a complete personality in itself. Apart from its physical body, which it needs as a tool for its activity on this gross material plane, it has received nothing from its parents—only a dwelling which the already independent soul can make use of.

“Still through procreation the parents assume the obligation to care for the dwelling place they have thus created, and to maintain it until the soul which has taken possession of it is itself capable of undertaking its maintenance. The natural development of the body will indicate when the moment for this has come. Whatever is done beyond this is a gift from the parents.”

Because of the relatively inner maturity of a sizeable population in Europe, permitting them considerable inner radiance, the White community is closer to the truth with children learning early in life that they are on their own; they do holiday or weekend job to support themselves. We Africans may be beating them in class and examinations; intellectual sagacity is different from inner maturity which is evinced in their refinement, nobility of spirit, etiquette and standards, and the beauty of their environment as well as their sense of orderliness. Of course, there is no gainsaying that decline has set in everywhere, in all parts of our world. 

In the bustling markets, noisy motor parks, and crowded beer parlors of Nigeria, the pulse of the nation’s economy is often felt most acutely. These are places where everyday conversations are garnished with idiomatic expressions that vividly capture the realities of life under economic pressure. It is no surprise, then, that when someone remarked in pidgin, “If government Na healing balm, dis one Na Aboniki,” the sentiment resonated deeply with many.

Aboniki, a popular menthol balm known for its intense heat and powerful sting, has become a fitting metaphor for the kind of government policies that, while meant to alleviate pain, often seem to cause more discomfort than relief. Today, the economy is unarguably as pepperish as Aboniki, with its sting is been felt by millions of people across the country.

Descriptively put, Aboniki is a well-known product in Nigeria, widely used for its potent effects in relieving pain and soothing muscle aches. However, its application is not without a sharp, burning sensation that can be overwhelming, particularly when applied to sensitive areas. This duality, offering both relief and a searing sensation, makes it an apt symbol for the current state of the Nigerian economy. Just as Aboniki balm can both soothe and irritate depending on how it is used, the economy today has become a source of intense discomfort for many, as rising prices, high unemployment, and dwindling purchasing power have left people struggling to cope with the harsh realities of daily life. The comparison to Aboniki underscores the paradox of policies that, instead of easing the pain of economic hardship, seem to intensify it, leaving citizens feeling the burn rather than the balm of relief.

Given the foregoing views, it is expedient to let the government realize the fact that its initiated policies since May 29, 2023, and which are all at the implementation stages are stinging, and that the Tinubu government must rethink its approach as the people can no longer afford to be suffering in pain.

In fact, as Nigeria grapples with its current economic challenges, the policies of the Tinubu administration have come under intense scrutiny. The government has frequently assured the public that the discomfort being experienced today is temporary, a necessary phase in the journey toward eventual economic stability and prosperity.

However, for many Nigerians, this promise of future comfort does little to soothe the immediate pains of soaring prices, dwindling job opportunities, and an overall decline in the standard of living. The current situation presents a glaring contradiction: policies intended to bring relief are instead causing widespread distress, much like applying a balm that burns more than it soothes. It is clear that the government must rethink its approach and develop policies that can deliver relief without the accompanying pain.

To achieve this, the Tinubu administration needs to think outside the box, moving beyond conventional strategies that have repeatedly failed to yield the desired outcomes. The focus should shift from policies that require the public to endure hardship now with the hope of future benefits, to those that can provide immediate, tangible relief. This could involve re-evaluating policies that disproportionately affect the poor, implementing targeted subsidies that ensure basic goods remain affordable, or creating job opportunities that provide real income growth. Moreover, there need to be a concerted effort to restore public trust by ensuring transparency in how government funds are used and by genuinely addressing the corruption that siphons off resources meant for public welfare.

Without a doubt, Nigeria’s economic challenges are complex and deeply rooted, but they are not insurmountable. The key lies in adopting innovative, people-centered policies that prioritize the well-being of citizens today, not just in some distant future. The government must recognize that the pain currently being felt across the nation is not just an unfortunate side effect of economic reform, but a clear indication that the current approach is flawed. By listening to the needs of the people and crafting solutions that provide immediate relief, the Tinubu administration can begin to rebuild the trust and hope that are essential for any lasting economic recovery.

In fact, in the unfolding narrative of Nigeria’s economic struggle under the Tinubu administration, the situation has become painfully reminiscent of a child being beaten for crying out in hunger. Just as it is unjust to punish such child for expressing a basic need, it is equally troubling to see a government attempt to silence the legitimate cries of its citizens. The analogy goes further: the people are not just hungry; they are in pain, as if the administration has rubbed Aboniki, an ointment known for its burning sensation, into their eyes. Rather than addressing the root causes of the suffering, the government seems more intent on covering people’s mouths, preventing them from voicing their grievances. This approach is not only counterproductive but also deeply unjust, and undemocratic.

In a democratic society, the right to express dissatisfaction is fundamental. When citizens speak out against policies that have worsened their living conditions, they are not merely complaining; they are holding their leaders accountable. The Tinubu administration’s attempt to stifle dissent, whether through intimidation or rhetoric, only deepens the sense of alienation and frustration among the populace. Instead of silencing the voices of those who are suffering, the government should heed their cries and take meaningful action to alleviate their pain. This means acknowledging the failures of current policies and making necessary adjustments to ensure that relief, not further hardship, is delivered.

In fact, the administration’s focus should shift from managing public perception to addressing the very real issues that are causing widespread distress. The people are not asking for the impossible; they are simply demanding what is rightfully theirs, a chance to live with dignity, free from the crushing weight of economic hardship. The government must do the needful by implementing policies that provide genuine relief, rather than continuing to inflict pain and then punishing those who dare to speak out. True leadership listens to its people, understands their plight, and works tirelessly to improve their lives. Therefore, It is time for the Tinubu administration to embrace this principle and make the well-being of Nigerians its top priority.

Victor Osimhen’s move from Napoli to Chelsea on transfer deadline day failed to materialize. 

The Nigeria international had been linked with a move to Stamford Bridge on deadline day but the parties were unable to reach an agreement, leaving the 25-year-old in a difficult position.

According to Italian sports journalist, Fabrizio Romano, negotiations between Napoli and Chelsea broke down late in the window.

“No agreement between Victor Osimhen and Chelsea even after a new proposal was presented two hours ago. Deal completely off for Victor Osimhen. No agreement with Chelsea, and the #CFC delegation is now leaving Napoli.

“If nothing happens from Saudi in the next three days, Osimhen will stay at Napoli but he’s not gonna be part of the first-team squad. Relationship currently completely broken,” Romano wrote on his social media platforms.

Osimhen was asking for a wage package worth over £300,000-a-week, according to Sky Sports.

Chelsea were reportedly ready to continue talks with the striker but their approach went unanswered, leaving the Blues to consider the deal off.

Napoli had also been in negotiations with Saudi Pro League club Al-Ahli for Osimhen‘s transfer, reportedly for an €80 million proposal.

While Osimhen had agreed on personal terms with Al-Ahli worth a massive €30 million per season, Napoli demanded an extra €5 million in bonuses on top of the €80 million offered, causing the deal to fall through.

Osimhen’s future now appears uncertain. With his relationship with Napoli coach Antonio Conte strained and the club unwilling to pay him a substantial salary while keeping him benched, his options are limited.

There remains a faint hope of a last-minute transfer to Saudi Arabia, as the transfer window in that region remains open until September 2.

 [DailyTrust]

Arsenal legend, David Seaman, has told goalkeeper, Aaron Ramsdale that the club’s fans will ‘never forget’ his massive contribution to getting the Gunners back in the UEFA Champions League following his transfer deadline day move to Premier League side Southampton.

Recall that Ramsdale completed a £25m move to the Saints on Friday.

The 26-year-old signed a four-year contract with Southampton with an option of another 12 months.

Reacting, Seaman wrote on X:

“Wishing the very best of luck to a great friend and goalie Aaron Ramsdale as he makes his move to the Saints, a great opportunity to see him playing in the Premier League again.

“We’ll never forget his match-winning saves and massive contribution to getting us back into the Champions League again.

“I look forward to watching his progress and the continuation of his career from afar! See you on the golf course soon mate. Good luck!”

[DailyPost]

Last week, I watched the American Democratic Party’s National Convention on TV. It took place in Chicago and was so uplifting.  

A clutch of famous Democrats – Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey and Hillary Clinton included – took to the vast stage to deliver stirring speeches and warm endorsements of presidential hopeful, Kamala Harris, and her running mate, Tim Walz.

Everything one could possibly hope for from a mass political gathering was happening in that stadium: The cool, upbeat music, the cheering swaying crowd, the beaming faces of delighted delegates representing every single United States of America…some so moved by the historic occasion that they had tears in their eyes. 

From the distant bedroom in Abuja in which I was remotely monitoring the show, I could feel the high-octane energy and joyful optimism in the convention venue.

The vibrant buzz was absolutely infectious; and I felt elated and envied the on-site audience for having so much fun and being able to hear, first hand, about the ideals their party holds dear and the policies it intends to embrace if Harris and Walz win the election.

BUT I also experienced the conflicting emotion of sadness.

As a long-time admirer of Kamala Harris, a stylish and cerebral lawyer who has both African and Indian roots (and Igbo in-laws!), I’d have loved to be there to celebrate, up close, the first-ever woman of colour being crowned as the great Democratic Party’s candidate.

But my sadness wasn’t JUST or even mostly about the fact that I hadn’t been invited (as if I ever stood a chance!). I didn’t JUST envy those who were there because they were lucky enough to be there.

The main cause of the gloom that eclipsed my elation at intervals was the fact that Nigerian conventions are NOTHING like this.

The shortest distance between Nigeria and the US is 6,630 miles. But it feels to me as if we are actually MILLIONS of miles apart…or on different planets entirely.

I have personally attended – as a media observer – quite a few Nigerian conventions (PDP as well as APC) over the years. And I’ve always found them pretty depressing.

There are no inspiring, heroic speeches or firm ideological stances. There is, instead, plenty of murky gossip about aspirants and incumbents who are bribing delegates…many of whom completely lack integrity and are ready to sell their votes to the highest bidder.

To be honest, I totally understand the cynicism of these transactional delegates. Some of them are nice people who would have been more principled in a different environment.

But they have bills to pay and children to feed/educate, and impoverished relatives to take care of in a country that has no proper welfare system for the downtrodden or average.

And it’s extremely difficult to earn a credible income in Nigeria in decent ways. And nothing ever changes for the better in this dubious political environment when it comes to ethics and performance. Governance here is mostly about cabals gaining access to purse strings and enriching themselves and their cronies.

That’s why the refineries don’t work. That’s why power cuts are still widespread and frequent. That’s why so many dysfunctions prevail. That’s why no matter how much suffering citizens complain, the elite continues to be predatory. That’s why a nation with abundant resources that should be a huge success is floundering.

So if you get an opportunity to become a junior crony or delegate and insist on rejecting bribes from rapacious politicians we all know are not going to do much (or anything) for the society as a whole, you are on your own o!

Firstly, you might even be victimised or arrested on trumped-up charges for offending various Big Boys by refusing to participate in the corrupt jamboree that is the average Naija political convention.

You’ll also face hostility from other delegates who feel guilty for selling out or regard you as a sanctimonious ass hole who deserves a few slaps or are simply afraid that you will whistle-blow if you are not a fellow bribe recipient and therefore not a member of their club.

Secondly, your lone voice in the wilderness is not going to change anything. The point you are trying to make will be drowned out by a majority that is allergic to principles and fond of skulduggery.

So, yeah, it’s easier to just take the money.

Suicidal protesters

Farooq Kperogi is one of  my favourite commentators. And I cannot improve on his eloquence, so let me just directly quote some comments he has made about the EndBadGovernance protests.

I heartily agree with him and am so upset about the revelation that some Northern protesters WANTED to die:

“…The misery that Tinubu’s simultaneous policies of never-before-seen astronomical petrol price increase and devaluation of the naira unleashed on the country are felt more deeply in the North than in any part of the country because of the pre-existing multidimensional poverty in the region and the pervading insecurity that makes farming almost impossible.

“Money is now both hard to find and worthless when it is found, and food is both hard to find and unaffordable when it is found. That is an unprecedentedly profound, not to mention unsurvivable, existential torment.

“Two days after the #EndBadGovernance protests started, I told someone that many people in the North have been rendered so desolate, so destitute, and so despondent by the economic crunch that they are looking to cash in on the protests to commit suicide by police bullets because Islam forbids suicide.

“Islam teaches that committing suicide guarantees an unfettered passage to the hottest depths of hell fire in the hereafter. I said many people who couldn’t survive the pain and humiliation of perpetual hunger might tempt security forces to shoot them so they could end it all and not fear that they would provoke the wrath of their Creator for committing suicide.

“Of course, this is twisted thinking because a famous hadith, which every Muslim who took Islamic Studies in secondary school knows, says: “Actions shall be judged according to intention.”

THE red flag was emblazoned on the big screen. It did not signify any danger. It had a single star in the middle. Indeed, the flag belongs to a shining star in the firmament of resistance against practicably impossible odds.

In the Biblical story, there was a David who took on Goliath and brought the giant down. But the David I write about militarily brought three Goliaths: Japan from Asia, France from Europe and the United States from North America, down to their knees. This was done two decades apart!

This Monday, August 26, 2024, as I attended the National Day of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam in Abuja, these were the reminiscences that flashed through my mind.

I was at the reception not just to honour the country’s invitation extended to me by its friendly Ambassador Bui Quoc Hung, but also, in a sense, to pay tribute to two of the Twentieth Century’s greatest men, Ho Chin Minh, affectionately called Uncle Ho and, General Vo Nguyen Giap who taught the poor how to fight and win.

Uncle Ho was one of the founders of the French Communist Party in 1920 before returning home a decade later to establish the Communist Party of Vietnam. From then until he marched on 39 years later, he was physically at war with powers that sought to subjugate his country.

To stay alive, and a step ahead of the local and international powers who wanted to eliminate him, he had to adopt over 50 aliases. He also had to camouflage his past so much that despite the fact that he was President for 24 years from 1945, his exact names, birthday and basic dates about his early life could not be ascertained. In fact, he used five birthdays: 1890, 1891,1892, 1894 and 1895. So, officials had to reach a consensus to adopt 1890 as his official birthday and accept Nguyen Sinh Cung as his real name.

But despite the wars he led, his being a brilliant strategist and famous victories in the battlefield, Uncle Ho was a simple man. He was a journalist by profession and a consummate writer and poet who wrote in Chinese, Vietnamese and French. He also spoke English and Russian.

Ho’s life can be used to plot the graph of the three major wars this country of 90 million people had to fight to gain the independence it bequeathed to this generation.

France had colonised Vietnam in 1884. When the Second World War broke, Uncle Ho led the people to fight France for independence. In the process, Japan invaded and occupied the country. So Vietnam had to wage war against both the colonialists and the Japanese forces of occupation. With the international defeat of Japan in 1945, Vietnam proclaimed its independence, only for France to return, wanting to resume its colonial proprietorship.

France with its mighty arsenal backed by its Western allies thought the war would be a walkover. But the issue was settled in one of the most famous combats in world history: the 1954 Battle of Dien Bien Phu. It took place from March 13 to May 7, 1954 and showed the military brilliance of the Vietnamese led by Uncle Ho and General Giap.

The major French military base was nestled in the seemingly impregnable valley of the Dien Bien Phu mountain. It could only be reached by air and the Vietnamese did not have air power. France never imagined that the Vietnamese could hurl heavy military equipment, including artillery and anti-aircraft guns over the mountains and surround its military base. The Vietnamese employed both military attacks and starvation as the French military could not be resupplied food.

The defeat of France came at a very high cost to both sides. Vietnam lost over 200,000 people, France and its allies, including the US, lost over 70,000 soldiers, with 65,000 injured and 40,000 taken prisoner.

However, the US did not want the Vietnamese to exercise their sovereignty. First, they had just militarily defeated France, a super power with lots of colonies. This, the American establishment felt, could lead to copycat actions. Indeed, the Algerians did by picking up the gun on November 1, 1954 to chase France out. Secondly, and perhaps more serious, was the fact that Uncle Ho and his followers were socialists which in the Cold War era was intolerable to the US. So in 1955, it began the invasion of Vietnam. But it needed an excuse to declare a full scale war. So in August 1964, two US destroyers stationed in the Gulf of Tokin claimed they had been fired upon by the Vietnamese. They were false claims, but that was all President Lyndon Baines Johnson needed to persuade Congress grant his government permission to increase US military presence in Indochina. The following year, the US had a full scale war going on in Vietnam.

It would turn out to be one of America’s costliest mistakes as the anti-Vietnam War movement internally shook it to its very foundation. More importantly, the mighty US military, despite committing a total 9,087,000 combatants, had to kiss the Vietnamese dust.

It was one of the most brutal wars the US has ever waged; Vietnamese villages, towns and cities were obliterated. After the Americans wiped out Ben Tre, a town with 35,000 Vietnamese, Associated Press journalist, Peter Arnett, flew there. In surveying the obliteration of the town, he interviewed an American Major who infamously said: “We had to destroy the city in order to save it.”

A major characteristic of that war was the USA’s wilful use of biological and chemical weapons. These included Agent White, Agent Blue, Agent Green, Agent Purple, Agent Pink, and, the worst, Agent Orange.

Agent Orange was mainly a very dangerous chemical contaminant called dioxin which causes diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, and various types of cancer. It was so dangerous that any US soldier exposed to it, qualified for disability benefits.

Agent Orange accounted for 61 per cent of the chemical weapons US used. Decades later, the Vietnamese, including newly born babies, still suffered from the effects.

When in 1973, the Nobel Peace Prize was jointly awarded to US Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, who led the American peace negotiations, and his Vietnamese counterpart, Le Duc Tho, the latter rejected it. Such was the ideological orientation Uncle Ho had instilled in the Vietnamese.

Some two million Vietnamese were killed in the war while 58,202 US soldiers lost their lives and 75,000 were severely disabled.

The Vietnamese rose from the ashes of that war to rebuild their country as a united entity, confident that for a long time no country would dare invade their ancestral homes. This is why the children of Uncle Ho deserve the star in their national flag.

At present, sustainability reporting in Nigeria has been a voluntary initiative by companies engaging in such practice. Although, the premium board listed companies are required by the Stock Exchange to engage in sustainability reporting, it is not a mandatory requirement. The motivation for engaging in such reporting has been traced to philanthropy, Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) and giving back to the society. It is seeking for good image and reputation. This is why such reporting has been criticised for its greenwashing.  

A look at some of the published sustainability reports in the Nigerian capital market will show pictures of commissioning community projects such as water, roads, hospitals, schools or donations, scholarships etc. Greenwashing is the act of making inflated, bogus, exaggerated, or misleading statements in corporate reporting. Images of the pictures in sustainability reports may not be a true reflection of the reality on ground example oil spills of oil and gas companies, or health problems caused by cement companies or casual workers and financed emissions of banks. No pictures capture these.

The marketing, or good image making and enhancement motivation behind such sustainability reporting can also be seen in the claim that one company’s sustainability report complies with multiple sustainability reporting standards and guidelines example the GRI, SASB, IIRC, CDP, CDSB, TCFD, Sustainable Banking Principles, Equator Principles, UN Global Compact principles, UN SDGs among others. How? From the above, one can have a glimpse of the insanity and chaos pervading voluntary sustainability reporting in Nigeria at the moment. This calls for sanity restoration.

The starting point for restoring sanity in sustainability reporting can be traced to events at the global level which saw the merger between IIRC and US SASB to form the Value Reporting Foundation (VRF) in 2020. VRF was subsequently absorbed by ISSB along with CDSB after COP 26 in Glasgow. This was in response to IFAC calling on the IFRS Foundation to come and restore sanity in the sustainability reporting landscape, in which accountants are expected to play a leading role. TCFD formed the foundation of the ISSB’s initial standards.

The ISSB’s Chairman, Mr Emmanuel Faber personally launched the Nigerian adoption roadmap in a ceremony organised by FRC and NGX RegCo at the NGX building in Lagos. Nigeria had earlier become the first country in Africa to adopt the ISSB’s standard. The roadmap was midwifed by the Adoption Readiness Working Group (ARWG) which FRC inaugurated on 6 June 2023.

Under the roadmap there are 4 categories of adopters with assigned adoption dates. These are (1) early adopters for accounting period ending on or before December 31, 2023 (2) voluntary adopters for accounting period ending or before December, 2026 (3) mandatory adopters for accounting period beginning on or after 1 January, 2027. This mandatory phase is categorized into three which includes (1) Significant Public Interest Entities (PIEs) (2027); (2) Other PIEs (2028) and finally (3) SMEs (2030). So, we are at the voluntary phase which will last till 2027 before it becomes mandatory.

The fourth category is public sector entities (2030), which date is to allow the International Public Sector Accounting Standard (IPSASB) come up with public sector sustainability standard. Already the IPSASB has announced in June 2023 that it would begin developing a Climate-related Disclosures standard, a first for the public sector and is currently doing so with the support from the World Bank. The aim is to develop a global baseline for sustainability reporting in the public sector as ISSB has done for the private sector.

The FRC and Nigerian Integrated Reporting Committee (NIRC) have signed an MOU under which the NIRC supports FRC in the ISSB’s sustainability standards adoption, advocacy, capacity building and technical implementation works. As part of the capacity building effort, FRC-NIRC has conducted Sustainability Awareness capacity building for the financial sector in Abuja between 10th and 11th July, 2024 with Oil and Gas and Telecommunication scheduled to hold on 4th and 5th September, 2024 in Lagos. This will be followed by the manufacturing sector, the Regulators and assurance providers. A regulatory Round Table on implementation of the standards took place on July 15, 2024 in Abuja, where all the regulators agreed to work collaboratively to achieve the objective of the adoption.

Globally, over 20 jurisdictions have already adopted or are taking steps to introduce ISSB Standards in their legal or regulatory frameworks. Together, these jurisdictions account for: (1) nearly 55% of global GDP; (2) more than 40% of global market capitalisation; and (3) more than half of global greenhouse gas emissions. Together, the 20 plus jurisdictions that have taken steps to adopt or otherwise use ISSB Standards account for around 75% of global market capitalisation excluding the United States. The IOSCO has already endorsed the ISSB’s sustainability standards

Thus there is unprecedented move from voluntary to mandatory sustainability reporting both at the global and national level in Nigeria.

Under the ISSB’s Sustainability Standards, verifiable metrics and targets which preparers and users can lean on to measure entities’ true performance on the sustainability topics will define sustainability reporting. It will no longer be pictures of commissioning CSR projects that will define sustainability reporting. Professional accountants will come in with their expert reporting skills, internal control over information system, assurance and professional scepticism, working with sustainability professionals to bring, authenticity and trust to sustainability reporting thereby exorcising the spirit of greenwashing and bringing sanity to the landscape.

This sanity will be evidenced by professional accountants bringing the same level of rigour in financial reporting to sustainability reporting. Already IFRS S1 has stipulated the two fundamental qualitative characteristics that underpin financial reporting to also underpin sustainability reporting. These are relevance and faithful representation. Similarly, enhancing qualitative characteristics of financial reporting such as comparability, verifiability, timeliness and understandability also underpin sustainability reporting. Then with these, reasonable assurance will kick in and users can now trust sustainability information as they currently do for financial reporting. That is final sanity restored.

Okwuosa PhD, FCA is the Chairman, Nigerian Integrated Reporting Committee and Immediate Past President, Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria

The directive by education minister Professor Tahir Mamman to the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) and the National Examinations Council to not register candidates who are below 18 for next year’s school certificate examinations is generating knee-jerk resistance from people who are obviously nescient of the psychology and philosophy behind age benchmarks in education.

In most countries of the world, children don’t start primary school until they are 6, and young adults don’t start university until they are 18. That used to be true in Nigeria, too—until parents chose to skirt the law, upend time-tested tradition, and commit mass child abuse in the name of fast-tracking the education their children.

In fact, contrary to what the Nigerian news media has been reporting, Professor Mamman has not created a new law; he is only implementing the existing law. He hasn’t “banned” under-18 students from taking school certificate exams; he has merely chosen to enforce an extant law, which has been serially violated by overeager parents who want their children to get ahead by any means.

The 1982 education policy, also called the 6:3:3:4 system, requires that children should be at least 5 years old to start pre-primary school and at least 6 years old to start primary school. If a 6-year-old spends 6 years in primary school, 3 years in junior secondary school, and another 3 years in secondary school, they would be 18 by the time they graduate from secondary school.

This is the global standard. In the United States, students apply to enter universities between the ages of 18 and 19 (because if you don’t turn 6 in September of the year you want to start First Grade, you have to wait until next year). In Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, Japan, South Africa, Germany, the United Kingdom, France, Denmark, etc. it is 18.

The age benchmark isn’t arbitrary. It is based on time-honored insights from developmental psychology and educational research, which examined the cognitive, social, and emotional developments of children.

For example, Jean Piaget’s stages of cognitive development tell us that around age 6, children transition from what is called the preoperational stage to the concrete operational stage, at which point they begin to develop logical thinking, which is essential for learning the structured curriculum of primary school education, such as reading, writing, and mathematics.

Research also shows that children develop the social skills needed to interact with peers and teachers in a school environment and the attention span necessary to learn, absorb information, and stay engaged at 6, and that children who start school too early struggle with these skills, which can lead to long-term challenges in academic and social areas.

That was why the late Professor Aliu Babatunde Fafunwa was famous for saying any education of children before the age of 5 is a waste of time and even child abuse. From ages 1 through 5, children should be allowed to be children: sleep, play, laugh, and grow. Of course, I recognize that because most mothers now work, enrolling children in schools earlier than is ideal is a necessity. But the busy schedule of parents is no excuse to buck science, ignore the requirements of a well-integrated childhood, and contribute to the mass production of maladjusted adults.

Similarly, research in developmental psychology shows that by age 18, most teenagers have reached a level of emotional and social maturity that enables them to live independently, make decisions, and handle the challenges of university life.

 Neuroscientific research also shows that the brain continues to develop well into the early twenties, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and planning. By age 18, the brain has typically matured enough to handle the complex cognitive demands of higher education.

Plus, in many countries, including in Nigeria, 18 is the age of legal adulthood, which aligns with the transition to university. This legal framework supports the idea that students are ready to take on the responsibilities associated with higher education, such as managing their own time, finances, and education.

Of course, as with everything, there are always exceptions. Precocious children can and do skip grades and start university earlier than 18 even in the United States and elsewhere. There are exceptionally gifted children who graduate from university as early as 11. But such students undergo rigorous tests to determine that they have intelligence that is far ahead of normal developmental schedules. They are also few and far between.

That’s not the situation in Nigeria. Just like our bad national habit of always wanting to jump the queue—what Americans call cut in line—Nigerian parents have, over the years, developed impatience for the normal development schedules of their children and want them to get ahead against the evidence of science, common sense, and even the law of the land.

 It is not because their children are exceptional. In fact, they are often mediocre. For example, my brother’s son, who is only 14 years old and with average intelligence, registered to take his WAEC exam this year. I told my brother that was inexcusable child abuse.

 Nigeria has a bad reputation across the world for sending underage children not just to domestic universities but also to foreign universities. People who work at the International Student and Scholar Services at the university where I am a professor have asked me multiple times why only Nigeria sends underage students here.

The consensus is that such students often lack maturity, have difficulty engaging in adult conversations, and struggle to fit in and get the best of the opportunities they have.

Several Nigerians who teach at other U.S. universities share the same stories. As I pointed out earlier, here in the United States, like in most other countries of the world, students don’t begin their undergraduate education until they are 18, which also happens to be the age of consent. A student who is under 18, by law, can’t attend several extra-curricular activities undergraduates typically take part in.

They need waivers signed by their parents to participate in certain activities, but since their parents are often in Nigeria, they pose logistical nightmares for universities.

For example, in the United States, by law, you can’t sign a lease agreement (to rent an apartment) if you are not at least 18 years old. Many underage Nigerian undergraduates at my school require an adult to co-sign for them. Since their parents are in Nigeria, the burden often falls on Nigerian professors and staff, who are understandably reluctant to co-sign leases of underage strangers who could break their agreements and put us in legal jeopardy.

Dating is also a treacherous legal minefield for the American classmates of underage Nigerian undergraduates in American universities. Having intimate relationship with anyone who is under 18 is statutory rape, even if it is consensual. I am aware of the story of a 17-year-old second-year Nigerian undergraduate girl who had a disagreement with her boyfriend who was from another African country.

Neighbors called the police to intervene. When the police asked for their ID cards, they discovered that the Nigerian girl was underaged. It led to the imprisonment—and later deportation— of the man for statutory rape even when their relationship was consensual. Stories like this are not unique.

Unless someone is exceptionally gifted, which should be proved conclusively with special tests, they should not start university earlier than 18. Fortunately, that is already the law, which is informed by the consensus of research findings in developmental psychology, neuroscience, and social research.  Professor Mamman has only signaled his readiness to apply the law. He has my full support.

I read that the National Parent Teacher Association of Nigeria (NAPTAN) said they would sue the federal government for indicating readiness to implement a law that has been in the books for more than 40 years. Good luck with that!